Exiting The Void

How to Lead Yourself When You Feel Completely Lost

You thought it would feel like freedom. That everything would finally fall into place.

You finally made the decision — you quit the career or left the relationship and stepped off the path that was not meant for you but crafted from other people’s internalized expectations.

And for a moment, it did feel like relief. A breath. A moment of, “Wow. I just f**king did that.”

But then the silence crept in. The isolation. The lostness and disorientation. The panic. The waves of shame and comparison. The conflicting ideas and opinions in your head. The expectations of where you should be in life.

Suddenly, you don’t know who you are anymore and what you want.

And you wonder — was this a mistake? What am I doing wrong?

Let me tell you the truth your mind might not believe right now:

You’re not broken. You’re in the void and shame is keeping you in the void.

Side note: If you're more of a listener than a reader — or if you just want to let the words land while you rest, walk, or sip tea — I recorded a spoken version of this blog post for YouTube. You can find it here.

The Void Isn’t Your Place To Stay — It’s the Portal

We live in a culture that glorifies clarity and demonizes not knowing.

We're taught to choose what field we want to work in for the next 30 years while we are a teenager.. To have a 5-year plan by the time we’re 22.

To know our “career” or “purpose” before we’ve even had time to breathe and be children. To have no expectations on ourselves but to explore life at our pace.

We’re expected to explain ourselves. To justify our choices. To move forward with confidence and certainty — or else risk being seen as flaky, lazy, or irresponsible.

So when you enter the void — that sacred in-between where your old life has crumbled but the new one hasn’t formed — you don’t just feel uncertain. You feel like a failure.

You compare yourself to people who seem clear, purposeful, and driven.

You scroll through social media posts of other cycle breakers — and think: What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get where they are?

This shame is the real trap. Because once you internalize the idea that you're "behind," you stop moving.

And here’s the paradox: You don’t get clarity before you move. You get clarity because you moved.

But what no one tells you is that when you remove a structure that once defined you — the job, the role, the relationship — your ego will panic. Your identity will feel cracked open.

This is not wrong. This is not failure. This is the initiation. The void isn’t your punishment. It’s your passage.

But it’s not where you’re meant to stay.

Contrary to what some spiritual teachings may say, the goal isn’t to make a home in the void.

It’s to listen. To grieve. To gather. And then to build again.

Clarity is a Result, Not a Prerequisite

If you are waiting to feel clear before you move… before you connect, try, ask, or decide — you’ll be waiting forever.

Clarity does not arrive like a lightning strike.

It’s forged in motion.

It’s built through self-leadership.

It’s found by saying: Even in this fog, I will take one step — and trust that the next one will emerge.

You don’t need a perfect plan.

You don’t need to know where this is all going.

You just need to choose one aligned action. And do it.

3 Ways to Lead Yourself Through the Unknown

Here are three powerful tools that will guide you through the fog and into deeper self-trust:

1. Parts Work — Let Your Leader Drive

The part of you that wants to be rescued by either another person or a strike of clarity lightning is not a problem.

She’s not lazy. She’s just tired. She’s been surviving for so long that she can’t even imagine a self-led life.

But she’s not the only part of you. (Even if it truly feels like she is).

There is also a woman within you who is wise, grounded, intuitive, and brave.

She’s your inner leader — and she’s ready to drive.

Start asking: Who is leading right now — the scared part of me, or the leader I’m becoming?

You don’t need to shame the scared part. You just need to let someone else take the reigns.

2. Scheduling — Anchor Your Vision in Time

Figure out an action step.

When you’re lost, your body needs something solid. Otherwise it will continue procrastinating.

Set a time and date for when to start moving again. If it’s not in your calendar, your confusion will keep running the show.

When the time arises, show up, even if you feel messy and unclear. Name an action step that feels alive. Keep it simple. Then, set another date and time for when to execute that action step.

Show up again and don’t worry if your scared self tries to run the show. Clarity meets you in devotion, not in waiting.

3. Vision Journaling — Activate Your Inner Compass

Light a candle. Move your body. Turn on music that opens your heart. It’s time to reconnect with your inner desires. You do that by embodying your empowered self.

Then, write or talk to yourself.

Feel into the future you desire. Write about what would feel true if you weren’t afraid. What you would do if you had no limitations set upon you.

You don’t need the whole picture.

You just need the pulse.

Your desire isn’t a fantasy. It’s your inner compass.

Let it lead you.

It Is Time To Start Leading Yourself Through Life

If you are in that place right now — lost, empty, and unsure of who you are or where you’re going — hear this:

You don’t need to figure it all out. You are already incredibly brave for getting here.

You do not need to stay in the void and completely heal in order to gain clarity.

Get out of the self-help loop and say to yourself: I choose to lead.

Let your next step be imperfect.

Let your voice be shaky.

Let your action be small.

But let it happen.

You’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

It’s time to lead yourself home.

If you’re navigating the void after a life-altering shift, I see you truth seeker. This post is part of a bigger conversation — when you’re ready to call in help, I’m here to guide you. You can explore my 1:1 mentorship here. Feel into it. You’ll know if it’s right for you.